World’s Best Layaway!

Sep 30, 2014 by

christmas treeAn alert popped in my email this morning: “Retailers roll out layaway plans early for 2014 holidays.” Whoa! That’s right, Labor Day’s over, so it must be time to embrace that annual consumerism festival known by the politically correct label of “The Holidays.” Okay, I’m in!

Money Counselor’s 2013 Layaway Program: A Stunning Success!

If you read any of the country’s top newspapers, you probably recall a headline or two about the Money Counselor 2013 layaway program. Yeah, I spotted a few holes in The Big Boys’—especially Walmart’s—layaway programs, so I decided to jump in the game by launching the Money Counselor Layaway Program. “Successful” doesn’t begin to describe the 2013 edition of the Money Counselor layaway scheme, but I wanted to roll out an even better version for the The Holidays of 2014.

Money Counselor 2014 Layaway: The World’s Best!

Those of you who sent me money to hold for you last year will be pleased to learn I’m not changing my program’s core structure. Here’s how it works, in four easy steps:

  1. You send me money.
  2. I hold it for you.
  3. When you want your money, I’ll send it to you.
  4. You buy whatever you want with the money.

I know, beautiful, isn’t it? The best business models are always the simplest.

Why the Money Counselor Layaway Program is Better Than Walmart Layaway

  • You can only buy certain categories of items with money you ask Walmart to hold for you when Walmart gives it back: Electronics, toys, jewelry, small appliances, select sporting goods, infant toys, large furniture, infant furniture and automotive electronics such as speakers and stereos. When I give back the money I’ve been holding for you, buy anything you want with it!
  • You have to go inside a Walmart store to set up Walmart layaway. That means you’ll have to rub elbows with, you know, people who shop at Walmart. You can set up Money Counselor layaway while lounging nude on your patio. (No selfies please!) Just mail me a check in any amount you choose with a note saying something like “Hey Kurt—would you hold this for me please? I’m going to buy something with it later, maybe one of the items at Walmart that it won’t let me buy on layaway, hehehe.”
  • You have to tell Walmart exactly what you’re buying with the money Walmart’s going to hold for you, then you have to make a $10 or 10% deposit, whichever is greater! Are you kidding me?? My program is so much simpler: What you’re aiming to buy with the money you ask me to hold for you is none of my business! And you can send me as much or as little money as you like, whenever you like. How much more consumer-friendly could a layaway program be?
  • You can’t layaway any one item at Walmart that costs less than $15. And the total value of the items you layaway must be at least $50. That’s crazy talk, man. See the bullet above for my policy.
  • This one kills me: You can’t put anything in layaway at Walmart on the busiest and most fun shopping day of the year: Black Friday. I’ll accept your money any day.
  • At Walmart, if you don’t pay off your laid away items and pick them up by December 15, back to China they go! With Money Counselor layaway, just ask for the money you’ve asked me to hold for you, and I’ll send it to you. You can spend it any day you choose.
  • This is the worst Walmart policy of all: If you change your mind about items you’ve put in layaway and ask for your money back, Walmart hits you with a $10 cancellation fee. If it actually had your item sitting on a warehouse shelf somewhere in South Dakota with a little piece of masking tape underneath it with your name written on it, I could understand the cancellation fee. But Walmart doesn’t really have your item reserved for you at all! (Read the fine print of your layaway contract.) It’s all a charade, dude! I charge no fees for Money Counselor layaway, except I deduct the cost of a postage stamp and envelope when I send your cash back.

I Know What You’re Thinking

You’re thinking “Why does this idiot blogger think I’m dumb enough to give him my money so he can hold it for me until I’ve sent him enough to buy something I want then ask for my own money back so I can buy the thing I’ve been saving up for instead of just saving for it myself in my own bank account or asking my sister to hold the money for me.”

Well, millions of people do exactly that during the months leading up to The Holidays, and through Big Retailer layaway programs a whole heck of a lot crummier than the Money Counselor (aka World’s Best) Layaway Program! So you tell me: Why do people use layaway?

How Am I Doing?

You can track the massive cash accumulating in the Money Counselor Layaway Program by watching that progress bar at the top right of every Money Counselor webpage just underneath the social media stuff no one ever clicks on. Ms. Money Counselor has kicked things off by asking me to hold $92 for her. She’s saving up for some kind of mental health services as a gift for a “friend,” she said.

If you want in on the program, drop me a note and I’ll reply with my postal address. Or try this address: Kurt Fischer, Canada. There aren’t so many people up here, eh?

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